The Non-Therapist: How To Help As If You Were A Pro (Or Even More So!) What is this book about?

My buddy Duncan (that’s not his real name) attached his vacuum cleaner hose to his car exhaust, taped up the windows, pushed play on his favourite music, turned on the car, and fell asleep. Permanently.
Duncan’s suicide made big waves in our small arctic town of 300 souls. His widow was shocked and devastated. His friends were bereft. There were many conversations that started more or less like this: “He seemed OK, getting by, as well as any of us do. So if this could happen to him, what about me….?”
There was nobody “official” to help. We had a nursing station, staffed by some pretty dedicated, overworked nurses, but no mental health team. We were on our own. I was the closest thing to a counsellor in town in those days, and I was impacted by Duncan’s death, too.
So we helped each other. One family opened their home to the widow, who sheltered quietly for several days until she got her feet back under her again. I provided some counselling support for the widow and for the supporting family and some friends.
A year or so later, some of the town residents decided they wanted some training in how to respond appropriately to their friends and neighbours. I was contracted, via a government grant, to train them, and from that training, a community-driven volunteer support group emerged.
In my more than 50 years as a therapist and adult educator, I have encountered more than one Duncan, more than one small community in crisis, and helped create community support groups, peer counselling groups, local shelters and crisis support phone lines. I have taught counselling skills to frontline workers, including nurses, social workers, addiction counsellors, supervisors and union shop stewards. I have also taught on-line in-service courses for therapists.
Throughout, one inescapable fact shone through consistently: the best supporters, the folks that others seek out to talk about their troubles are often just folks. Not pros with several degrees behind their names (when there happen to be some about and available), but friends and neighbours who listen and who care.
There are many titles for these compassionate individuals: informal helpers, lay counsellors, peer counsellors, supportive listeners, frontline workers, and paraprofessionals. And the movement is growing. Empathetic listeners may not be able to solve every problem. But they can help to improve the lives of many people.
What do these informal helpers do? They listen, mostly. They offer companionship, a hand to hold, human support, help with common-sense problem solving and decision making. They educate and guide people through challenging life events. If more help is needed, they refer to a pro who can help in specialized ways. For all you informal helpers out there, this book is for you!
Now I don’t want you paraprofessionals to feel left out. Nurses, social workers, clergy and EMT’s; chaplains and doctors and physio and occupational therapists; supervisors, union shop stewards, and HR people. You are all pros in your own field. You may also offer counselling, but not necessarily as your main gig. All of you perform the same exceptionally important and valuable service, without being professional therapists. I salute you all. This book is for you, too!
There are countless legions of people looking for support, and lay counsellors and paraprofessionals can be that trusted resource.
Recent studies show that advanced education and professional designations are not very good predicters of who will be able to connect deeply with a client and inspire them to want to come back for more. What matters is the ability to be compassionate, to understand what a client is feeling and respond in an authentic and human way.
The American Counseling Association (ACA) defines counseling as “a professional relationship that empowers diverse individuals, families, and groups to accomplish mental health, wellness, education, and career goals.” So what exactly is lay counseling, and how does it differ from professional counselling? Lay counsellors do not need to be licenced by a governing body or the government. They have a desire to help others, and may be trained and supervised by a professional therapist, such as a psychologist or psychotherapist. Their goal may be to assist someone with getting through a tough time in their life, improve a relationship, access local resources, make a change in their life, make an important decision, or perhaps to find ways to cope with life in a healthy way. The questions or issues a lay counsellor might help with are as numerous as pebbles on a beach. If it is a human concern about life, lay counsellors may choose to help. Often, lay counsellors work together with NGO’s, police, churches, professional therapists and others to provide a broad support net for people in need of assistance to lighten their burdens.