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5 Types of Trauma Bonding

  

  1.  Stockholm Syndrome
  • A hostage falls in love with her kidnapper.
  • Chemical changes to the brain – endorphins, dopamine – she receives this powerful chemical mix every time he does not kill her. The massive relief after the heightened state of trauma and terror
  • Rush of gratitude that cellularly makes her feel bonded to him.
  • Then he puts her back together – angel / devil so she feels dependent on him to feel OK.

 

  Cognitive Dissonance

  • When two opposing thoughts or a thought and a choice need reconciling
  • Excuses and justifications for a choice such as “I am going to eat that chocolate because I worked hard today” even though ‘I want to lose weight”
  • We feel the terrible trauma of abuse but we decide to stay and try to make the relationship work despite the ongoing and escalating trauma
  • Incredible justifications need to be glommed onto to give reasoning for remaining in the abuse.
  • Have to retell ourselves over and over again to be able to deal with the shame and the wrongness.
  • Those stories cement themselves into the fabric of our inner identity. They bond us in deeper and deeper to the abusive relationship and the abuser.

 

 Repetitive Compulsion Disorder

  • Intermittent conditioning – the relief of getting a reward after pushing the button millions of time not knowing what the result will be.
  • Flooded with pleasure chemicals at the relief
  • You never know whether Dr Jekyll or Mr. Hyde will walk through the door, you don’t know if you will be beaten or adored.
  • So you get hooked in pushing and pushing the button (like a rat in cage with changeable intermittent rewards and punishment) for the chemical cocktail that comes with a reward.
  • Keep staying trying over and over again trying to get decency, love, safety, stability.
  • We will keep pushing the button until we die if we don’t let go and heal ourselves.

  

  1.  Peptide addiction
  • The receptors for trauma are completely different than the receptors for joy
  • Bodies get geared up to accept the peptide that our brain is manufacturing on a regular basis
  • When taken into our cells we feel the charge of the peptide energy
  • Cells get more and more ready to accept the peptide that it is getting the biggest rushes on.
  • Brain starts requiring larger and larger amounts of the peptide in order to be satisfied
  • We need more and more of that peptide that comes from trauma to feed our cells
  • If you have not been feeling traumatic thoughts for a while, your brain will force you to go back to that thought – can’t stop thinking about it – its an addiction.
  • So more peptide produced in hypothalamus that is distributed in the body then your cells say “thank god, I’ve got my drug of choice”
  • The body cells will scream out for the drugs – forces you to go directly to the drug dealer – the abuser
  • Peptide addiction is hugely responsible for creating the trauma bond
  • We mistake this for love until we heal this deadly addiction loop

  

  1.  Infantile Regression
  • In times of trauma it is instinctual to revert back to primal behaviour to try to survive
  • Child clinging to the parent that is powerful and able to provide some relief to the trauma at hand – you want to create this person as your saviour
  • This is a primitive and powerful survival mechanism that operates subconsciously at the core of our beings
  • Maturity and self reliability goes out the window and is replaced by utter child like helplessness
  • You feel like you will literally die if you don’t agree with the abuser, take the blame, do anything to keep the peace, give the abuser whatever he wants, in hope you will be allowed to avoid complete emotional annihilation
  • You have given over complete power to this narcissist who is your god and has the power to dictate your fate
  • When the abuser allows you to exist again, your idolization of the abuser becomes a pathological survival belief “This person is the creator of my world, whatever better example of love could there ever be” which is exactly what a young child feels for a parent.
  • This programming has taken over our sub-conscious urges which have highjacked our life

 

 All of these types of trauma bonding are powerful and cannot be addressed with logic because they are not going on at that level. They are serious, truly deadly. But with the right therapy, we can target and heal ourselves from the addiction.

 

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